I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
