how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
