oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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