Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
