I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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