I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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