We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
