walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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