I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Will exercising make me less horny?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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