That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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