We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
