Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
