I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
