lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
