have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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