I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
