My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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