Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
