I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
