Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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