I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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