Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Randomize
