Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
