I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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