had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
