dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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