I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
