a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
