not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
