Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
