look no pants
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
