I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
