is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
tequila makes me forget i have legs
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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