I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
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