You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
