I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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