If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I could make wine with my vomit
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize