If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
honey bunches of taint.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
