??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
