You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
