We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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