Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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