i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
