im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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