they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
