some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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