Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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