It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
