I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Someone signed my nipple.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
