There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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