And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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