I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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