i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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