My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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