His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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