I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
