1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize