quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
