Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
