i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
