Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
