well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.