i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
