I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
