dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.