So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
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A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
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Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night