I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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