Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
