I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
