That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
