If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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