peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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