Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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