No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
