Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You are a booty call, not a friend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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