new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
