Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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