people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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