I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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