He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
